just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
