just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
