why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
