trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
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I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
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And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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