I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
