I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
