so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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