Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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