A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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