I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
