I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
