When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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