I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
