Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
