I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
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In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
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I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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