if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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