There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
