2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
