Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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