I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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