I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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