Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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