Someone shit on the floor
I think my vagina is haunted
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
