she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
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I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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