If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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