dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
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