I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
