are you still at the devil's house?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
