She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
