what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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