He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
