census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize