So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
