my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
