Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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