i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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