Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
