Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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