btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he high fived his dick after we had sex
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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