I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
