What a fucking waste of an outfit
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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