I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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