a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
