My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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