i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
