Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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