I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
