In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
