Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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