the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
