you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
