I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
well I can't set my house on fire every night
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
