The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
