Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
