I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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