Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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