It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.