She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
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I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
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I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.