I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.