She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
