I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.