what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dignity is for republicans.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.