so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY