If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
