OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
