I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
