I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
