I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
