I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
