The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
