he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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