i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
