someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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