sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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