You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
