Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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