He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
