just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
