I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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