Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
